Ten Worthwhile New Year’s Resolutions

There are tons of New Year’s Resolutions out there that will most likely never come true. Number one on that list is losing 80 lbs. as you continue to eat corn curls and do cardio while shopping for candy.

That clothing rack you call a stair master is not going to fire up any time soon, so let us help you make a New Year’s resolution that you can stick to.

1.  Slap The Bad Parker: There’s always the guy who has a sense of entitlement to twice the parking space that the rest of us mere mortals are allotted. We suggest you walk up to this guy, and politely slap him in the face with a glove and challenge him to a duel. We cannot be responsible if said person is a retired fighter, former marine, or any other type of tough motha that will completely eff up your week.
2. Test Drive a car every month: This should be a pretty easy feat, and you’ll have some fun doing it. Head out to a local dealer, play the game and test drive one of their most bad ass cars. Then repeat.
3. Finish some type of food challenge at a bar or restaurant.
4. Throw a water balloon at a stranger and then give them a dollar.
5. Dress up Spider-Man for a whole day (Not on Halloween).
6. When your girlfriend or wife comes home, have on a pair of her boyshorts and workboots, while you’re playing video games. Act natural.
7. Do a donut either n the snow or a parking lot.
8. Play a sport you’ve never tried before: One condition, you must wear party socks and shorts no matter what the sport is.
9. Try to have a conference call at a movie theater.
10. Flashmob with just yourself in a mall. Bring a boombox and Preferably be with your girlfriend for maximum humiliation.
11. BONUS! Get yourself all greased up and take boudoir photos for your girlfriend or wife. She’ll be frightened for years to come. Oh the Timeless Art of Seduction.