Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display.

7 Tips Every Women Must Try to Make Him Last Longer.

The Secret to Going Longer in the Sack

How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

Life Hack: How to Make Your Penis Grow

Here’s Why Women Really Care About Size.

And so on. Looking over the selection, I had to wonder – is bigger and longer really all that matters when it comes to sex?

The Pop Culture Façade

ap1Let’s start with where this misconception about sex comes from – pop culture. From Sting’s four-hour tantric sessions to the 40-minute sex tape of Kanye West to those all-night-passion sessions showcased in movies, pop culture plays a huge role in setting unrealistic expectations about what love making should be like. I’m sure you remember your first time, and it probably was more like American Pie than Cruel Intentions. Yet as we find our world constantly surrounded by the sex appeal of the rich and famous and carefully crafted sex scenes – we kind of want to be like them. The result: sexual disappointment and dysfunction.

The Science of Size

If you are familiar with the Showtime drama Masters of Sex, then you have probably heard of the two researchers – Masters and Johnson – who are considered pioneers in understanding what makes us tick. In their findings, they noted that the average vaginal canal is approximately 3- to 4-inches long. Anthropologists want to remind you that a woman’s downstairs can vary greatly based on their race. I.E. African American women are known to have longer canals to accommodate the often larger johnson of their male counterparts while Asians have drawn the short stick.  When a woman is aroused, the vaginal walls expand roughly 1- to 2-inches to better accommodate your schlong.

What does that mean for size? It means that bigger is not always better.

85% of women state that they are content with the size of their partner’s dong. Sex therapist and author, Ian Kerner Ph.D, says that if a woman is complaining about your size, it is only because she is not being satisfied.

Women want a man whose dick works with their hooha. Plain and simple. Therapist Debby Herbenick Ph.D adds that when you are too big for a woman it can actually be a turn off because oral, manual, and vaginal pleasure become difficult or painful. With this in mind, remember that if a woman can’t deep throat you or tells you that she’s pretty sure your member just touched her cervix – she (probably) isn’t exaggerating. Despite what the adult industry might have you think, there are few things that are less painful than having a man slam his cock into a woman’s cervix.

How Long is Too Long?

tumblr_inline_mvw8sx65S21qeb30pIn most bedrooms across the world, sex ends because the man gets off. In 2012, the University of New Brunswick asked couples to time their sessions – foreplay and sex – from the comfort of their own homes and report back. On average, foreplay lasted 11- to 13-minutes, while the act of sex itself was 7- to 8-minutes. Unanimously, every couple stated that they wished their naked time would last longer.

A 2008 survey by Penn State University of the members of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research revealed that couples felt any session under two minutes was simply too short. The most desirable time frame was 7 to 13 minutes, with anything over 30-minutes being too long. Sorry Kanye.

Science aside, the reality is that the reason why a woman thinks sex is too long is because she has gotten off and isn’t getting off again OR she hasn’t climaxed and has lost hope that she will. If she thinks your sack sessions are consistently too short, it’s because she isn’t getting off at all. As a woman who has enjoyed 45+ -minute, multi-orgasmic sex consistently, I can tell you that, in my opinion, it is never really too long if you keep her O coming again and again.

Sex is different between every type of couple. For every man I have heard tell me he wishes he could last longer for his girlfriend, there is a woman saying “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. Instead of worrying about that article in Men’s Health telling you that you need to last longer, or buying into the hype that women love big dicks, focus on what makes you and your partner most satisfied. Plenty of couples love the quickie-sex-life, and just as many prefer hours tangled up together in bed. At the end of the day, when you find the right V for your P, a true happy ending is inevitable.

Until next time, you can email me with your woes (don’t worry, you stay anonymous) at XoXoLeanneC@Gmail.com. 

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Packing a Smaller Gun? Here’s How to Rock it so She Won’t Forget It.

leanneclutesextipsThis week I posed the question to my girlfriends on various group chats: What do you think about a guy with a smaller dick?

My diverse group of female friends contains every race combination available, so I figured this would give me a reasonable pool of answers. From an anthropological perspective, the size of both the penis and the vagina are *mostly* correlated to race. I say *mostly* because there are a number of genetic, health, and environmental factors that can play a role in this as well. Either way, with their diverse perspectives on the word “small”, I knew they could provide some usable opinions.

I was met with a variety of answers, from women who said a smaller penis is “entirely worthless” to those that agreed it’s about how you use it, to a handful that said they actually prefer it.

Based on research performed by Richard Herring, author of Talking Cock, the average size of the penis is 6.73”. Men who are at the lower end of the spectrum – 3.3” in length to this point – are considered smaller. As I thought back over the years, I realized that for myself, there have only been a few men that fell into this category.

When I turned the conversation to the guys, I learned that obsessing over the size of their penis is relatively common. In fact, several men even told me that they think their smaller-average size has to do with their lack of love. Herring’s research revealed that 63% of women agree that size is a factor in the quality of love making; but what if it’s not so much about the size, but how you use it?

I’ve always been a firm believer that the motion of the ocean is what ultimately matters. The problem is that many sex tips out there are geared towards “every” male when each and every one of you is different. Knowing how to rock it when you’re packing a smaller gun is the secret to keeping her coming back for more. In the bedroom, you should have enough confidence to take control of how her body is positioned, and the moves you try, to maximize pleasure for both of you. These tips are easy to execute and provide the right twist to accommodate your wood for every woman.

Photo Jan 23, 10 05 54 PMSplit the Legs and Rock

Perhaps one of the most underutilized sex positions for all men is the classic leg split. You get a nice look at her whole body with this move, while also putting you in a position to go deeper and hit at a different angle. To execute the leg split, you will have your lady-friend on her back and straddle one of her upper thighs. Lift the opposite leg up over your shoulder and cozy on in to her naughty bits. This position is gentle on the knees as well because you can both rock into the motion for a slow building orgasm. The sideways angle which your penis enters the vagina creates a unique sensation that is missed with most other positions. It also makes your smaller member feel larger inside her and increases overall pleasure.

Take Doggie Style Over the Edge

One go-to move for most men, especially those with smaller dicks, is doggie style because it is one position that offers better depth. However, traditional doggy style doesn’t give you quite the angle that you want to make her remember a night with you. Two simple changes should be made to maximize this position. First, have her bring her legs together in between yours. This creates a tighter space for your cock. Second, have her brace herself over the edge of a pile of pillows or the side of a sofa. Women often move into a downward dog style when enjoying this position – where her ass is in the air and her face is buried into the bed. This creates a deeper angle which isn’t beneficial when you are smaller. The positioning over the edge will keep her back flat and give you direct access to hitting her sweet spot with ease.

Curl Up and Go Deep

Appropriate access to the vagina is crucial when it comes to adding the wow factor in the bedroom when you are lthe-snail leanne r cluteess endowed. The snail is a sex position where the woman is curled back in a way that gives the deepest penetration possible. Not so great news for men who are well above average as this move can be extremely painful for a woman. GREAT new for those who think they are less fortunate. Start by placing her legs straight up in the air with her ankles resting on your shoulder. You will need to place your hands on her butt and hold her up for support as you enter. Next, have her bend her knees, keeping her legs together, and roll her body back towards her face. Almost like she is trying to touch her nose to her knees. And go to town. You’ll be able to brace yourself on either side of her once you are in the full position. The deep penetration will make her gasp while easily letting you hit her various pleasure zones. Go above and beyond by adding some breast play into this position, if you really want to rock her world.

Herring’s research also revealed that only 25% of women believe that penis size is a reason to end a relationship. Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the leading causes of relationships ending today – regardless of the size of your cock. Learning how to use your own parts, work with hers, and cater to both of your needs and desires is what makes a happy, healthy sex life.

Don’t worry, it’s not like you have to figure it out on your own. That’s why you have me.

Until next time, I’ve taken up a new hobby of getting drunk and woodburning bottle openers. Check it out on Instagram @XoXoLeanneC and follow @KDMagazine for more.

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Got a question you’re dying to have answered? Email me directly: xoxoleannec@gmail.com.

New Ways to Touch Her Down There

What is your go-to move for getting things started with your lady?

For many men, it’s to not-so-casually reach between her legs and start moving their fingers around.

This is the start of foreplay – an essential part of female arousal.

The problem comes when you have been with someone for a few months or years and you have figured out all of the go-to spots for getting her primed and ready for sex. According to Marianne Brandon Ph.D, author of Monogamy: The Untold Story, you start to put in less effort than you once did and your sex life becomes mundane. In fact, one of my closest friends commented on this recently. After nearly two years together, sex has gotten boring. In her own words “He gets me off quick and we got to bed. It’s boring and become routine.”

When sex becomes routine, it loses its ability to connect you with your partner and strengthen your relationship. For couples that believe sexual compatibility is important, this can lead to the end of a relationship. It doesn’t take much effort on your part to change things up, you simply need to adjust your approach to pleasuring your partner. Here are four tips for new ways to touch her, down there.

Discover the Clitoral Hood

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard of the hit Netflix series Orange is the New Black. This show got everyone on screen and off screen talking about the clitoral hood. This piece of skin is an extension of the inner labia lips. When a woman becomes aroused, it retracts, exposing the clitoris. Until that point happens, this little flap of skin has its own nerve endings for you to play with. Drag your finger up from the vaginal opening towards the clitoris and feel for the flap. Slowly begin massaging it with your thumb or index finger. This feel-good spot will deliver new sensations to her that she probably hasn’t experienced before.

masaje-sensualMassage Her Nether Region

Men are often so focused on clitoral stimulation that they forget how sensitive a woman’s skin is down there. I’m not just talking about the labia. Women respond to massaging and touching in all parts of her nether region – the inner thighs, mons pubis, buttocks and even that skin that exists before the anus. Touch Me There author Yvonne Fulbright Ph.D suggests applying medium pressure with your palm while you massage the entire area. Dragging your fingers slowly along the inside of her thighs and the edge of her labia is a sure fire way to slowly generate arousal before you ever touch the clitoris or the vagina.

Use Your Fingers & Thumb

One of the biggest mistakes men make when using their hands to pleasure a woman is trying to do too much. Remember that the vagina is not designed to fit around your three middle fingers. It is also not designed for you to ramming them in feverishly without causing her some sort of discomfort. Change it up by using just your middle and index fingers, slowly moving them in and out while applying pressure on the top of the vaginal cavity. This move ensures you are reaching for the rough patch of skin located there known as the g-spot. Then, take your thumb of the same hand and start massaging the clitoris while you are working your two fingers inside of her. The pressure of the two erogenous zones is enough to get her slicked up quick and most likely get her off.

Bonus: Your other hand and mouth are freed up to caress, touch and kiss her other places!

Let Her Start it Off

masturabte-self-loveHave you ever let her get started and watched? Men are often too afraid to ask for this and women are too nervous to suggest it, but both of you can benefit from doing it. First, by letting her pleasure herself in front you, you get a good look at what really gets her off. Second, it’s visual stimulation for your own arousal. She benefits by feeling sexy and desired by you. Plus, women note that when they are being watched, they feel more aroused than usual. When you are ready, you can join in the fun and she is already primed and most of the way there which means less work on your part.

But don’t worry, you’ll both be so turned on by the act that you’ll be ready to dive right into to getting down and dirty.

It is far too easy for an unsatisfying sex life to drive a wedge between two people who are otherwise perfectly compatible. If you sense that you and your partner are starting to drift apart in the bedroom, or just want to try something new, give some of these techniques a try to breathe life back into your foreplay.

Until next time,

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