Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display.

7 Tips Every Women Must Try to Make Him Last Longer.

The Secret to Going Longer in the Sack

How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

Life Hack: How to Make Your Penis Grow

Here’s Why Women Really Care About Size.

And so on. Looking over the selection, I had to wonder – is bigger and longer really all that matters when it comes to sex?

The Pop Culture Façade

ap1Let’s start with where this misconception about sex comes from – pop culture. From Sting’s four-hour tantric sessions to the 40-minute sex tape of Kanye West to those all-night-passion sessions showcased in movies, pop culture plays a huge role in setting unrealistic expectations about what love making should be like. I’m sure you remember your first time, and it probably was more like American Pie than Cruel Intentions. Yet as we find our world constantly surrounded by the sex appeal of the rich and famous and carefully crafted sex scenes – we kind of want to be like them. The result: sexual disappointment and dysfunction.

The Science of Size

If you are familiar with the Showtime drama Masters of Sex, then you have probably heard of the two researchers – Masters and Johnson – who are considered pioneers in understanding what makes us tick. In their findings, they noted that the average vaginal canal is approximately 3- to 4-inches long. Anthropologists want to remind you that a woman’s downstairs can vary greatly based on their race. I.E. African American women are known to have longer canals to accommodate the often larger johnson of their male counterparts while Asians have drawn the short stick.  When a woman is aroused, the vaginal walls expand roughly 1- to 2-inches to better accommodate your schlong.

What does that mean for size? It means that bigger is not always better.

85% of women state that they are content with the size of their partner’s dong. Sex therapist and author, Ian Kerner Ph.D, says that if a woman is complaining about your size, it is only because she is not being satisfied.

Women want a man whose dick works with their hooha. Plain and simple. Therapist Debby Herbenick Ph.D adds that when you are too big for a woman it can actually be a turn off because oral, manual, and vaginal pleasure become difficult or painful. With this in mind, remember that if a woman can’t deep throat you or tells you that she’s pretty sure your member just touched her cervix – she (probably) isn’t exaggerating. Despite what the adult industry might have you think, there are few things that are less painful than having a man slam his cock into a woman’s cervix.

How Long is Too Long?

tumblr_inline_mvw8sx65S21qeb30pIn most bedrooms across the world, sex ends because the man gets off. In 2012, the University of New Brunswick asked couples to time their sessions – foreplay and sex – from the comfort of their own homes and report back. On average, foreplay lasted 11- to 13-minutes, while the act of sex itself was 7- to 8-minutes. Unanimously, every couple stated that they wished their naked time would last longer.

A 2008 survey by Penn State University of the members of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research revealed that couples felt any session under two minutes was simply too short. The most desirable time frame was 7 to 13 minutes, with anything over 30-minutes being too long. Sorry Kanye.

Science aside, the reality is that the reason why a woman thinks sex is too long is because she has gotten off and isn’t getting off again OR she hasn’t climaxed and has lost hope that she will. If she thinks your sack sessions are consistently too short, it’s because she isn’t getting off at all. As a woman who has enjoyed 45+ -minute, multi-orgasmic sex consistently, I can tell you that, in my opinion, it is never really too long if you keep her O coming again and again.

Sex is different between every type of couple. For every man I have heard tell me he wishes he could last longer for his girlfriend, there is a woman saying “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. Instead of worrying about that article in Men’s Health telling you that you need to last longer, or buying into the hype that women love big dicks, focus on what makes you and your partner most satisfied. Plenty of couples love the quickie-sex-life, and just as many prefer hours tangled up together in bed. At the end of the day, when you find the right V for your P, a true happy ending is inevitable.

Until next time, you can email me with your woes (don’t worry, you stay anonymous) at 


Packing a Smaller Gun? Here’s How to Rock it so She Won’t Forget It.

leanneclutesextipsThis week I posed the question to my girlfriends on various group chats: What do you think about a guy with a smaller dick?

My diverse group of female friends contains every race combination available, so I figured this would give me a reasonable pool of answers. From an anthropological perspective, the size of both the penis and the vagina are *mostly* correlated to race. I say *mostly* because there are a number of genetic, health, and environmental factors that can play a role in this as well. Either way, with their diverse perspectives on the word “small”, I knew they could provide some usable opinions.

I was met with a variety of answers, from women who said a smaller penis is “entirely worthless” to those that agreed it’s about how you use it, to a handful that said they actually prefer it.

Based on research performed by Richard Herring, author of Talking Cock, the average size of the penis is 6.73”. Men who are at the lower end of the spectrum – 3.3” in length to this point – are considered smaller. As I thought back over the years, I realized that for myself, there have only been a few men that fell into this category.

When I turned the conversation to the guys, I learned that obsessing over the size of their penis is relatively common. In fact, several men even told me that they think their smaller-average size has to do with their lack of love. Herring’s research revealed that 63% of women agree that size is a factor in the quality of love making; but what if it’s not so much about the size, but how you use it?

I’ve always been a firm believer that the motion of the ocean is what ultimately matters. The problem is that many sex tips out there are geared towards “every” male when each and every one of you is different. Knowing how to rock it when you’re packing a smaller gun is the secret to keeping her coming back for more. In the bedroom, you should have enough confidence to take control of how her body is positioned, and the moves you try, to maximize pleasure for both of you. These tips are easy to execute and provide the right twist to accommodate your wood for every woman.

Photo Jan 23, 10 05 54 PMSplit the Legs and Rock

Perhaps one of the most underutilized sex positions for all men is the classic leg split. You get a nice look at her whole body with this move, while also putting you in a position to go deeper and hit at a different angle. To execute the leg split, you will have your lady-friend on her back and straddle one of her upper thighs. Lift the opposite leg up over your shoulder and cozy on in to her naughty bits. This position is gentle on the knees as well because you can both rock into the motion for a slow building orgasm. The sideways angle which your penis enters the vagina creates a unique sensation that is missed with most other positions. It also makes your smaller member feel larger inside her and increases overall pleasure.

Take Doggie Style Over the Edge

One go-to move for most men, especially those with smaller dicks, is doggie style because it is one position that offers better depth. However, traditional doggy style doesn’t give you quite the angle that you want to make her remember a night with you. Two simple changes should be made to maximize this position. First, have her bring her legs together in between yours. This creates a tighter space for your cock. Second, have her brace herself over the edge of a pile of pillows or the side of a sofa. Women often move into a downward dog style when enjoying this position – where her ass is in the air and her face is buried into the bed. This creates a deeper angle which isn’t beneficial when you are smaller. The positioning over the edge will keep her back flat and give you direct access to hitting her sweet spot with ease.

Curl Up and Go Deep

Appropriate access to the vagina is crucial when it comes to adding the wow factor in the bedroom when you are lthe-snail leanne r cluteess endowed. The snail is a sex position where the woman is curled back in a way that gives the deepest penetration possible. Not so great news for men who are well above average as this move can be extremely painful for a woman. GREAT new for those who think they are less fortunate. Start by placing her legs straight up in the air with her ankles resting on your shoulder. You will need to place your hands on her butt and hold her up for support as you enter. Next, have her bend her knees, keeping her legs together, and roll her body back towards her face. Almost like she is trying to touch her nose to her knees. And go to town. You’ll be able to brace yourself on either side of her once you are in the full position. The deep penetration will make her gasp while easily letting you hit her various pleasure zones. Go above and beyond by adding some breast play into this position, if you really want to rock her world.

Herring’s research also revealed that only 25% of women believe that penis size is a reason to end a relationship. Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the leading causes of relationships ending today – regardless of the size of your cock. Learning how to use your own parts, work with hers, and cater to both of your needs and desires is what makes a happy, healthy sex life.

Don’t worry, it’s not like you have to figure it out on your own. That’s why you have me.

Until next time, I’ve taken up a new hobby of getting drunk and woodburning bottle openers. Check it out on Instagram @XoXoLeanneC and follow @KDMagazine for more.


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In 2016 – Want Better. Be Better. Do Better.

Just 48 hours ago, we turned the clock on another year. Resolutions of health and wellness and relationship satisfaction are all around. Maybe you kissed a special someone at midnight. Maybe you kissed a stranger. Maybe you kissed your dog. Now here we are, on the second day of 2016, and too many of you are still asking when you’re going to find Mrs. Right.

If you were like my friend Jay, you took my advice from last year and ended 2015 with a bang – literally and figuratively. If you failed to keep your promise to me and take my advice, here’s a new chance to try again.

In 2015, I learned a lot about relationships and was fortunate enough to help quite a few people get through the ups and downs, endings and findings of their own. Yet the same message kept coming from my mouth over and over again: When it comes to love you need to want better, be better, and do better.

Love Should Be a Fuck Yes

manonknifeKudos to my friend Sam for teaching me the “Fuck Yes” principle last year. When it comes to all aspects of life, you simply have to ask yourself whether it is exactly what you want. It’s either a “Fuck Yes, I Do” or it’s a “Fuck No.” There is no in between. When you stand in the in between, you only get confusion about your own feelings.

How does this pertain to your relationships? It gives you a reason to want better for yourself. Few things agitate me more than seeing social media postings about how men are always working in the sidelines for women and women don’t appreciate them enough for it. Let me tell you something, if your with someone who can’t see every amazing thing you do – get out. You don’t want to be the guy standing on the knife for a woman who can’t be bothered to see it.

Want better for yourself. Want someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. Want someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel. Don’t want a warm body, half-cocked affection, and settle.

Get Out of Your Own Way

I’ve mentioned a time or two that when someone asks me why I’m still single, I now say “because I made the wrong choices in men.” I’m pretty amazing. I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit that. But it took me a long time to get out of my own fucking way. To stop dating the wrong types of men and to really learn and understand who the right types of men for me are.

Last year, I pledged to be better. I focused on taking care of myself and handling my own insecurities and personal baggage. When it came to love, I (almost) only devoted my time to individuals who made me want to be better. I got out of my own way and stopped letting my own issues prevent me from feeling what I wanted to feel. I may not have ended the year with a ring on my finger, but I did end it getting to know a few amazing men who were in my life for all the right reasons.

Getting out of your own way might mean you stop being such a selfish asshole all the time. It might mean that you stop making apologies for wanting to be undeniably happy and in love. Or it might mean you start doing more in your relationship to give it the potential that it needs, instead of standing with one foot in the water and one foot in the sand. Make a choice to be better for yourself and your partner, and watch how quickly things change.

Love and Be Loved, Uniquely You

tumblr_my907ckrjx1t3icg0o1_500Remember back to that post I did about the unconventional Valentine’s Day? That principle of unique love should filter into your entire relationship. Do better than heart-shaped candies and roses. Do better than forgetting special dates and gas station cards. Be the guy that loves the way he loves and let someone love you the same.

If you haven’t seen the uber chick-flick of the last 20-years, The Notebook, then you should probably rent it right now. Noah Calhoun is uniquely romantic. He has nothing. And it doesn’t matter. The commercially-driven world we live in doesn’t want you to know that roses and expensive dinners aren’t what really makes a woman happy. Noah portrayed his love for Allie by writing her letters. It cost him nothing and it meant the world to her – when she finally got to read them. You might not be a literary wordinaire, but you have your own way of expressing love – go with that.

Choose to do better for yourself by spending less time worrying about buying an expensive gift and more time showing that your love is the ultimate gift.

201501_1819_abeiiMore importantly, do better by letting someone love you in their own unique ways. See the way that they show their love, and accept it. You deserve it! Stop doubting it! You don’t need the material things in life, you need each other. A woman who wants to be with you accepts all your flaws. Right down to leaving your stinky socks on the floor and your asshole tendencies. She sees the way you show love, and loves you for it even if it isn’t a diamond tennis bracelet or a dozen red roses.

If you want to end this year better than you started it, this principle – Want better. Be better. Do better. – is all you need. Apply it to your current relationship, your pending relationship, and the future relationship that’s waiting for you.

Until next time, I’m still getting wastyface and painting drunk pictures on Instagram (@XoXoLeanneC) or you can follow the hot semi-naked chicks @KDMagazine.