Tactical Bookshelf

We’ve already established that your Ninja skills aren’t all there, and since you’ve killed the cartel leader with your throwing cards of death, you’re gonna need some protection, but you don’t want to look like a psycho to your new supermodel girlfriend.

She’s not gonna put up with that crap.

Her last boyfriend, the multi-billion dollar software genius/supermodel/bunny rescuer, was living a double life as a spy. Forget the 10-carat diamond, Ferrari, and goat farm, she wants the truth.

So you have to keep it a secret, to keep her safe, and to keep sexy time activities on schedule with little to no begging.

In comes the Tactical bookshelf. Look intelligent, talk about life, but be ready for war. I would recommend buying a globe so you can spin it around while you put on your smoking jacket. Girls like smoking jackets.

Eventually they track you down. That invisible force field and GPS scrambler just isn’t what it used to be. They bust down the door, you throw your drink in the fireplace, creating a small to medium-sized explosion, leaving you just enough time to access your bookshelf that doubles as a small arms depot.

Blasting away, you fend off the bad guys, but are they gone for good?

Your house is a wreck, but thankfully your girl and your bookshelf is in tact. She’s pissed and confused, but she doesn’t have a bullet in her ass, so she does what anyone would do after an apocalyptic gun fight, she makes out with you.

Live the dream, check out Tactical Walls.