Rock Your Relationship in 2015 (and Beyond) with These 4 TipsJanuary 1, 2015
Women are so complicated.
I don’t know why she dumped me.
Women need an instruction manual.
Blah… blah… blah.
If there is one thing I get tired of hearing it is men constantly complaining about how they do not understand their own relationships. It is even worse when I dole out helpful advice and they completely ignore it. I feel like reciting Foamy’s Rant:
“There are certain types of people in this world that just piss me off to no end. The type of people who come up to you and ask for advice and then don’t take your advice. They just come back to you a week later like “I don’t know how everything turned out so wrong!”
In the new year, and years to come, make a promise to me – take my advice.
Women are not that complicated. Neither are men. Feelings and emotions are complicated. But the basics of what makes a good relationship are not. Here are four tips for rocking your relationship in 2015 and beyond.
Learn Love Languages & Use Them
Back in October I was laying in a hotel bed in Charlotte with this guy I had fallen entirely too hard for, commenting on the three things I had given him before our trip. A fancy Umoro shaker bottle, a scrap metal squatting man, and a set of functional salt and pepper shakers. It only took the first date, a few months prior, for me to realize that his love languages were gifts and acts of service. I told him I got him those things because I knew this, but that I would be significantly less excited if he did the same for me. My love languages are quality time and physical touch.
All the time, when people approach me about their partners not understanding their needs in a relationship, I refer to the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I’m am notably against relationship propaganda but firmly believe that this book is one that every person in the world should read and understand before entering a relationship. The first time I heard reference to it was at a business conference. The speaker spoke about how his wife would leave annoying notes around his car, office, and home for him. In relationships, we tend to push our own love languages on our partners because it is what we know makes us happy so we assume it will be the same for them. His story continued as he described the book and how he was able to determine her love languages as gifts and quality time. From then on, he could fill her “love tank” with a gas station flower and one day a week where they spent uninterrupted time together.
When you understand your partner and her needs in a relationship, and cater to them, it makes your life all the better. Don’t worry, you don’t have to read the whole book. You can find all the important information over at 5LoveLanguages.com.
Date Someone Who Lets You Be Yourself
This summer I watched as a friend of mine started dating, and subsequently tried to change, everything about some poor schmuck. As I watched him try to stand his ground against more vegetables, pumpkin casseroles, less beer, giving up his tobacco habits, and getting exercise, I couldn’t help but wager in my mind how long this relationship was going to last.
Guys, you are just awesome the way you are. Seemingly bad habits and weird quirks and all.
There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that the only reason you make a change is because you want to be a better person for yourself. When you do it for someone else, you end up resenting them. It’s one premise of human psychology. No one wants to be told what to do, how to act, or feel like they are not adequate – especially in a relationship.
Stop dating chicks that don’t appreciate who you are. You might think that she’s “the one” but if she was, then she wouldn’t be
asking you forcing you to change. In great relationships, both people compliment each other’s lives and work together to find blissful balance.
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
How comfortable are you your relationship?
I don’t mean are you comfortable enough to rip one in front of her. I mean, are you so comfortable that you just accept her place in your life and are nonchalant about being with her? Are you comfortable enough that words like “she’s never going anywhere” cross your mind or even come out of your mouth? Are you so comfortable that your life has become a mundane routine of bar hopping, Netflix watching, and passing on any of your old interests?
Then you need to get out.
There is a fine line between being comfortable in a relationship and being so comfortable you are on the brink of destruction without even realizing it. This destruction might be years away, but the point is that it will happen if you do not make a change.
Finding balance in a relationship is always hard. We get so accustomed to what we are experiencing that we don’t want to put in the work to find something better. We simply accept that this average happiness is just fine for our lives. Don’t settle guys, you are better than that.
The right woman for you should scare you, just a little. She should challenge you to try new things and get outside of your comfort zone. She is going to be the type of woman that exists outside of your comfort zone; outside of your normal “type”. She is going to be unlike any girl you’ve ever dated, and she will know it. And she is going to rock your world, if you let her. The more you get to know her, the more amazing you will find her. There will never come a point when you take her love for you or desire to be with you for granted. And for every night of Netflix watching & bar hopping, there will be at least a dozen nights of non-stop laughter, pure erotic excitement, and the undeniable feeling that you will be happy waking up next to her for the rest of your life.
Be Observant of Her
Lastly guys, get to know her. Not just her favorite foods or colors. Get to know what makes her tick. Be observant of the things she does and thankful when they are for you. Women want to feel appreciated and loved. We are simple creatures like that. But the way that we perceive and accept love is going to be different from the women you’ve dated in the past and even the way you, yourself do so. So watch her. Learn from her. Let your body language tell her that you would kill that big hairy spider you’re both terrified of, for her. If you don’t find yourself in awe of her; wanting to know the tiniest things about her; seeking a glimpse of the smile she gets when she is silently thinking about you – then you are not in the right relationship.
And being in the right relationship will make all the difference in its success.
Until next time,