Paintball Turret Gun

As you sit in your house playing Titan Fall, the flakes of corn curls past mask the inner shame you feel for your last defeat in paintball. They splattered you. They hit you in the junk…Those bastards did it on purpose.

You were decimated, leaving a fragment of your former self. Riddled with an inner burning for revenge, you take your last $5,000 and purchase what will be the beginning of the end of mankind…The Breda M-37 Better known as The Paintball Turret.

Unleash the Kracken with this 50-inch long machine gun that will fire a gazillion rounds per second and weighs about 30 lbs. Other features include a three-position trigger that alternates between full-auto, burst, or semi-auto, leaving you opponents laying on the ground taking heavy fire while you smoke a  Cuban cigar and listen to Journey.

In your head, nothing can go wrong. And nothing will, you have a paintball turret. You’re John J…Rambo that is.

Obliterate the competition and become a local celebrity. Take back your manhood. Date a supermodel. Supermodels like paintball champions.