Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display.

7 Tips Every Women Must Try to Make Him Last Longer.

The Secret to Going Longer in the Sack

How Much Sex is Too Much Sex?

Life Hack: How to Make Your Penis Grow

Here’s Why Women Really Care About Size.

And so on. Looking over the selection, I had to wonder – is bigger and longer really all that matters when it comes to sex?

The Pop Culture Façade

ap1Let’s start with where this misconception about sex comes from – pop culture. From Sting’s four-hour tantric sessions to the 40-minute sex tape of Kanye West to those all-night-passion sessions showcased in movies, pop culture plays a huge role in setting unrealistic expectations about what love making should be like. I’m sure you remember your first time, and it probably was more like American Pie than Cruel Intentions. Yet as we find our world constantly surrounded by the sex appeal of the rich and famous and carefully crafted sex scenes – we kind of want to be like them. The result: sexual disappointment and dysfunction.

The Science of Size

If you are familiar with the Showtime drama Masters of Sex, then you have probably heard of the two researchers – Masters and Johnson – who are considered pioneers in understanding what makes us tick. In their findings, they noted that the average vaginal canal is approximately 3- to 4-inches long. Anthropologists want to remind you that a woman’s downstairs can vary greatly based on their race. I.E. African American women are known to have longer canals to accommodate the often larger johnson of their male counterparts while Asians have drawn the short stick.  When a woman is aroused, the vaginal walls expand roughly 1- to 2-inches to better accommodate your schlong.

What does that mean for size? It means that bigger is not always better.

85% of women state that they are content with the size of their partner’s dong. Sex therapist and author, Ian Kerner Ph.D, says that if a woman is complaining about your size, it is only because she is not being satisfied.

Women want a man whose dick works with their hooha. Plain and simple. Therapist Debby Herbenick Ph.D adds that when you are too big for a woman it can actually be a turn off because oral, manual, and vaginal pleasure become difficult or painful. With this in mind, remember that if a woman can’t deep throat you or tells you that she’s pretty sure your member just touched her cervix – she (probably) isn’t exaggerating. Despite what the adult industry might have you think, there are few things that are less painful than having a man slam his cock into a woman’s cervix.

How Long is Too Long?

tumblr_inline_mvw8sx65S21qeb30pIn most bedrooms across the world, sex ends because the man gets off. In 2012, the University of New Brunswick asked couples to time their sessions – foreplay and sex – from the comfort of their own homes and report back. On average, foreplay lasted 11- to 13-minutes, while the act of sex itself was 7- to 8-minutes. Unanimously, every couple stated that they wished their naked time would last longer.

A 2008 survey by Penn State University of the members of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research revealed that couples felt any session under two minutes was simply too short. The most desirable time frame was 7 to 13 minutes, with anything over 30-minutes being too long. Sorry Kanye.

Science aside, the reality is that the reason why a woman thinks sex is too long is because she has gotten off and isn’t getting off again OR she hasn’t climaxed and has lost hope that she will. If she thinks your sack sessions are consistently too short, it’s because she isn’t getting off at all. As a woman who has enjoyed 45+ -minute, multi-orgasmic sex consistently, I can tell you that, in my opinion, it is never really too long if you keep her O coming again and again.

Sex is different between every type of couple. For every man I have heard tell me he wishes he could last longer for his girlfriend, there is a woman saying “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. Instead of worrying about that article in Men’s Health telling you that you need to last longer, or buying into the hype that women love big dicks, focus on what makes you and your partner most satisfied. Plenty of couples love the quickie-sex-life, and just as many prefer hours tangled up together in bed. At the end of the day, when you find the right V for your P, a true happy ending is inevitable.

Until next time, you can email me with your woes (don’t worry, you stay anonymous) at XoXoLeanneC@Gmail.com. 

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