Just 48 hours ago, we turned the clock on another year. Resolutions of health and wellness and relationship satisfaction are all around. Maybe you kissed a special someone at midnight. Maybe you kissed a stranger. Maybe you kissed your dog. Now here we are, on the second day of 2016, and too many of you are still asking when you’re going to find Mrs. Right.
If you were like my friend Jay, you took my advice from last year and ended 2015 with a bang – literally and figuratively. If you failed to keep your promise to me and take my advice, here’s a new chance to try again.
In 2015, I learned a lot about relationships and was fortunate enough to help quite a few people get through the ups and downs, endings and findings of their own. Yet the same message kept coming from my mouth over and over again: When it comes to love you need to want better, be better, and do better.
Love Should Be a Fuck Yes
Kudos to my friend Sam for teaching me the “Fuck Yes” principle last year. When it comes to all aspects of life, you simply have to ask yourself whether it is exactly what you want. It’s either a “Fuck Yes, I Do” or it’s a “Fuck No.” There is no in between. When you stand in the in between, you only get confusion about your own feelings.
How does this pertain to your relationships? It gives you a reason to want better for yourself. Few things agitate me more than seeing social media postings about how men are always working in the sidelines for women and women don’t appreciate them enough for it. Let me tell you something, if your with someone who can’t see every amazing thing you do – get out. You don’t want to be the guy standing on the knife for a woman who can’t be bothered to see it.
Want better for yourself. Want someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. Want someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel. Don’t want a warm body, half-cocked affection, and settle.
Get Out of Your Own Way
I’ve mentioned a time or two that when someone asks me why I’m still single, I now say “because I made the wrong choices in men.” I’m pretty amazing. I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit that. But it took me a long time to get out of my own fucking way. To stop dating the wrong types of men and to really learn and understand who the right types of men for me are.
Last year, I pledged to be better. I focused on taking care of myself and handling my own insecurities and personal baggage. When it came to love, I (almost) only devoted my time to individuals who made me want to be better. I got out of my own way and stopped letting my own issues prevent me from feeling what I wanted to feel. I may not have ended the year with a ring on my finger, but I did end it getting to know a few amazing men who were in my life for all the right reasons.
Getting out of your own way might mean you stop being such a selfish asshole all the time. It might mean that you stop making apologies for wanting to be undeniably happy and in love. Or it might mean you start doing more in your relationship to give it the potential that it needs, instead of standing with one foot in the water and one foot in the sand. Make a choice to be better for yourself and your partner, and watch how quickly things change.
Love and Be Loved, Uniquely You
Remember back to that post I did about the unconventional Valentine’s Day? That principle of unique love should filter into your entire relationship. Do better than heart-shaped candies and roses. Do better than forgetting special dates and gas station cards. Be the guy that loves the way he loves and let someone love you the same.
If you haven’t seen the uber chick-flick of the last 20-years, The Notebook, then you should probably rent it right now. Noah Calhoun is uniquely romantic. He has nothing. And it doesn’t matter. The commercially-driven world we live in doesn’t want you to know that roses and expensive dinners aren’t what really makes a woman happy. Noah portrayed his love for Allie by writing her letters. It cost him nothing and it meant the world to her – when she finally got to read them. You might not be a literary wordinaire, but you have your own way of expressing love – go with that.
Choose to do better for yourself by spending less time worrying about buying an expensive gift and more time showing that your love is the ultimate gift.
More importantly, do better by letting someone love you in their own unique ways. See the way that they show their love, and accept it. You deserve it! Stop doubting it! You don’t need the material things in life, you need each other. A woman who wants to be with you accepts all your flaws. Right down to leaving your stinky socks on the floor and your asshole tendencies. She sees the way you show love, and loves you for it even if it isn’t a diamond tennis bracelet or a dozen red roses.
If you want to end this year better than you started it, this principle – Want better. Be better. Do better. – is all you need. Apply it to your current relationship, your pending relationship, and the future relationship that’s waiting for you.