What is your go-to move for getting things started with your lady?
For many men, it’s to not-so-casually reach between her legs and start moving their fingers around.
This is the start of foreplay – an essential part of female arousal.
The problem comes when you have been with someone for a few months or years and you have figured out all of the go-to spots for getting her primed and ready for sex. According to Marianne Brandon Ph.D, author of Monogamy: The Untold Story, you start to put in less effort than you once did and your sex life becomes mundane. In fact, one of my closest friends commented on this recently. After nearly two years together, sex has gotten boring. In her own words “He gets me off quick and we got to bed. It’s boring and become routine.”
When sex becomes routine, it loses its ability to connect you with your partner and strengthen your relationship. For couples that believe sexual compatibility is important, this can lead to the end of a relationship. It doesn’t take much effort on your part to change things up, you simply need to adjust your approach to pleasuring your partner. Here are four tips for new ways to touch her, down there.
Discover the Clitoral Hood
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard of the hit Netflix series Orange is the New Black. This show got everyone on screen and off screen talking about the clitoral hood. This piece of skin is an extension of the inner labia lips. When a woman becomes aroused, it retracts, exposing the clitoris. Until that point happens, this little flap of skin has its own nerve endings for you to play with. Drag your finger up from the vaginal opening towards the clitoris and feel for the flap. Slowly begin massaging it with your thumb or index finger. This feel-good spot will deliver new sensations to her that she probably hasn’t experienced before.
Men are often so focused on clitoral stimulation that they forget how sensitive a woman’s skin is down there. I’m not just talking about the labia. Women respond to massaging and touching in all parts of her nether region – the inner thighs, mons pubis, buttocks and even that skin that exists before the anus. Touch Me There author Yvonne Fulbright Ph.D suggests applying medium pressure with your palm while you massage the entire area. Dragging your fingers slowly along the inside of her thighs and the edge of her labia is a sure fire way to slowly generate arousal before you ever touch the clitoris or the vagina.
Use Your Fingers & Thumb
One of the biggest mistakes men make when using their hands to pleasure a woman is trying to do too much. Remember that the vagina is not designed to fit around your three middle fingers. It is also not designed for you to ramming them in feverishly without causing her some sort of discomfort. Change it up by using just your middle and index fingers, slowly moving them in and out while applying pressure on the top of the vaginal cavity. This move ensures you are reaching for the rough patch of skin located there known as the g-spot. Then, take your thumb of the same hand and start massaging the clitoris while you are working your two fingers inside of her. The pressure of the two erogenous zones is enough to get her slicked up quick and most likely get her off.
Bonus: Your other hand and mouth are freed up to caress, touch and kiss her other places!
Let Her Start it Off
Have you ever let her get started and watched? Men are often too afraid to ask for this and women are too nervous to suggest it, but both of you can benefit from doing it. First, by letting her pleasure herself in front you, you get a good look at what really gets her off. Second, it’s visual stimulation for your own arousal. She benefits by feeling sexy and desired by you. Plus, women note that when they are being watched, they feel more aroused than usual. When you are ready, you can join in the fun and she is already primed and most of the way there which means less work on your part.
But don’t worry, you’ll both be so turned on by the act that you’ll be ready to dive right into to getting down and dirty.
It is far too easy for an unsatisfying sex life to drive a wedge between two people who are otherwise perfectly compatible. If you sense that you and your partner are starting to drift apart in the bedroom, or just want to try something new, give some of these techniques a try to breathe life back into your foreplay.
Until next time,