These Four Tips Can Turn Your Tongue Into A Kitty Slayer.

Men think they know about cats. They don’t.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would rate your oral skills on a woman? I bet mentally, most of you are thinking in the 7-10 range. The question is – Do the women you’ve been with share the same evaluation?

I hate to bruise your ego, but the answer is – probably not.

Here’s the funniest part – a lot of women don’t even know what they are missing out on because that many men are just eh when it comes to oral pleasure.

I was one of those women in my early 20s. It wasn’t until I dated this one man, who definitely knew what he was doing in all departments, that I realized what I had been missing. If great sex were all it took to keep a relationship together, we could have been happy for a lifetime. Sadly, it takes more than that, and no man since him has been able to measure up. At least not in the oral pleasure department.

Now, most women don’t want to tell you that you aren’t doing that great of a job. If we care about you, we care about your ego. Which is why I’m here to set you straight.

As my dear friend Heather said recently “He just gets me off and that’s it. I could do that with my vibrator.”

Guys, you never EVER want a woman to think that you, and all of your amazingness, can be replaced with a vibrator.

JUST SAY NO to boring oral sex. As best-selling author of Sex Recharge, Ian Kerner, Ph.D says, “Let your tongue take a solo.” You want to build her up to a bigger and better orgasm – not just get her off. Try out these techniques to turn your tongue into an oral sex rockstar.

Horizontal Strokes are IN

female-orgasmIf your oral technique is limited to vertical strokes then you, my friend, are behind the times. Horizontal strokes are the best new thing. While they aren’t really new, they are probably new to you. When you flick your tongue side to side over her clit, it covers the full scope of the region. The sensation is much different from the traditional vertical strokes you usually employ. With this technique, it takes less work to build up the tension in her sex before an explosive release. Try it out, your jaw will thank you.

Slow Diagonal Strokes

After you’ve gotten her warmed up, your neck might need a little bit of a rest – right? That’s where diagonal strokes of a tongue come in. Rest your ear against her inner thigh and use your fingers to spread the vaginal lips and expose the clitoris completely. Move the tip of your tongue from the bottom, across the center, and to the opposite top side of the clitoris. You want to do this slowly like the way you would lick an ice cream cone. She is already wound tight from your first verse and this is the bridge before the explosive finish. When you do it right, it should build the tension she’s feeling but keep her on the edge without going over.

Don’t Skip the Shaft

The clitoral shaft is very much like the shaft of your dick, except much, much tinier. This little patch of skin, located between the clitoris and the vaginal opening, is rife with nerve endings that should not be ignored.

Take one of your hands and place the palm over the mons pubis with your fingertips reaching towards her belly button; rest your thumb on the clit. Apply gentle pressure with your palm while you use small circles to massage the clitoris with your thumb. Next, implement your age-old vertical tongue technique along the shaft. At this point, she is going to be on the brink of coming. You can take whatever pace you want to drive her towards that finish line.

Flatten Your Tongue

oral-sex-ecardOnce you’ve gotten her wound up tighter than a jack-in-the-box, it’s time for you to let go and let her do the rest of the work. Yes, you read that correctly.

Flatten out your tongue and press it firmly against her. Give your mouth and neck a rest. She will be so far past the edge that she will do anything to drive it home. This means, you relax while she thrusts her body against your tongue. The texture of the tongue is what feels so good at this point. It is just the right balance of soft and rough to make her want to be rubbing her naughty bits all over it. At this point she will probably be holding your head in place anyways, provided you’ve done it right.

Let the crescendo lead you into the big finish, and take a bow.

Until next time,


Featured Articles

Why ‘Shameless’ is a Must Binge Series

As October 2 approaches and season 7 of Showtime’s hit series Shameless bares down on us like Frank Gallagher’s jaundiced existence, it’s the perfect time catch up with America’s favorite fucked up family unit, the Gallaghers. As if the cast from Fuller House started taking meth full-time, the Gallagher family combines absolute mayhem with good […]

Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display. […]

Packing a Smaller Gun? Here’s How to Rock it so She Won’t Forget It.

This week I posed the question to my girlfriends on various group chats: What do you think about a guy with a smaller dick? My diverse group of female friends contains every race combination available, so I figured this would give me a reasonable pool of answers. From an anthropological perspective, the size of both […]

Edita Vilkeviciute is an Attractive Woman with The World’s Hardest Name To Spell. NSFW

International supermodel Edita Vilkeviciute is a native of Lithuania that was discovered when she was 16. Now 27, Vilkeviciute has become a modeling powerhouse that has worked with Victoria’s Secret, Louis Vuitton, and countless others. Vilkeviciute is ranked as one of the top earning models in the world, raking in an estimated net worth of […]

“The Splinter” A Supercar that Will Give You Serious Wood.

In 2008, Designer Joe Harmon took on the dubiously tedious task of building a car. But not just any car. A supercar. And not just any supercar, a supercar made of wood. The Splinter, a true labor of love, is the world’s first and only supercar constructed out of wood. After 7 years, The Splinter […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: