Your Junk: It’s Not About Size – It’s About Shape!

Six years ago I had the best, most convenient booty call – ever. I mean, what could be better than a booty call where all you had to do is step through your sliding bedroom window and walk across the roof, through his?

The answer is nothing.

When I started this totally inappropriate fling with my neighbor, who was also my landlords brother, I remember saying some really ridiculous things about his penis. Because women talk about your penis – constantly. The most notable, which my friends all still remember, was “He’s dick is so perfect. It’s like a textbook picture. I just want to knit it a hat.”

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I say A LOT of silly things like this.

The one thing I learned from him and the many other men I’ve been with over the years is that men care far too much about the size of their penis. A 2006 study published by the University of California, Los Angeles in Psychology of Men and Masculinity highlighted that the way men view their penis size is subjective to their height, weight and self-image. Also, men often equate penis size to their level of power and/or masculinity.

Women, for the most part, don’t care.

In fact, sex therapist Ian Kerner states that of all the women he has interviewed over the years and all of the couples that he has helped, not one female has ever said that penis size was a problem. Of course, the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman hasn’t met me and my Chelsea Handler-esque alter-ego who actually did walk out on a man with a micro penis once.

However, as my girlfriends and I think back over all the men over the years, it’s easy to say that it truly has nothing to do with the size of your penis but has everything to do with the shape.

What’s Shape Got to Do With It?

The most notable partners I’ve had over the years all have very different dicks. Why were they so memorable? Painful_intercourseBecause of what they could do with them. While I’m a woman who prefers a thicker cock, some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with someone who’s anaconda was long and thinner. The shape of the shaft and tip of your penis can completely change the sexual experience with a woman depending on the shape of her vagina. For a woman with a longer vaginal canal, a penis that is slender and longer feels more pleasurable than one that is short and wide. Just the same, a woman with a smaller hoohaa will prefer a short and wide penis over one that doesn’t quite “fit” her.

While you cannot go around measuring a woman’s vagina – and chances are she doesn’t know shit about the size of her own – you can understand more about your own naughty bits and how to best use them in sex.

First, Comes the Tip

There are five different types of “heads” for the male genitals. The shape of your head directly impacts how easy it is for you to penetrate any orifice – especially if it isn’t extra lubricated. I’m talking about that quickie bathroom sex at the bar on Friday night. C’mon, keep your head in my gutter. Here are the five shapes:

  1. The Traditional – This is your textbook-style tip. It’s a little curved, it’s a little pointed, it looks like a picture. Penetration with this shape tip is relatively easy.
  2. The Triangle – As the name states, this tip is noticeably pointed. It also smooth at the base, into the shaft. There is not much of an edge below the tip. Penetration with this shape tip is the easiest. You can pretty much bang anyone, anywhere and anyhow with ease.
  3. The Knob – Large and in charge, that is the best way to describe the knob shaped tip. This is rounded, like a doorknob, and thick. Penetration with this shape is most difficult and often leads to that “ouch” feeling women experience during sex.
  4. The Helmet – This shape looks very similar to a baseball hat with the brim of the hat facing you. There is a sharp curve in the tip, similar to where the brim and the beanie part of a hat meet. The helmet shape also has a larger rim before connecting to the shaft. Penetration with this shape is difficult and for some women can be completely uncomfortable.
  5. The Bullet – Smooth and rounded like a bullet is the features of this penis shape. Penetration with this shape is easier but the larger tip size may be a challenge for some women.

Then Comes the Shaft

sex-tips-for-men-4As if you didn’t have enough challenges to overcome in the bedroom with the penis tip shape, there is the shaft shape. Since you probably aren’t sizing up other men’s johns in the bathroom, you probably have no idea that you all are different. Don’t worry, I’ve spent the last decade sizing up the other guys for you. Here are the four different shaft shapes and the best sex positions for them:

  1. The Scimitar – This penis shape is one where the shaft has a slight upward curve. You’ll also notice that the end is thicker than the base. The good news is that nearly any position that allows for deeper penetration is good for this shaped penis. Try out missionary with her legs on your shoulders, doggy-style or cowgirl for the best feeling results. As a bonus, the curved shape means that you have the best chance at hitting her elusive g-spot when you’re getting down and dirty.
  2. The Lighthouse – If your penis is straight with a narrow end then you fall into this category. The narrow end makes penetration a breeze but the straight nature can cause a problem. The best sex positions are anyone’s that allow deeper penetration and have her at a higher angle than you. Consider setting pillows under her bum before going for missionary. Alternatively, having her lay on the edge of the bed, a table or the kitchen counter while you stand and thrust is a great choice.
  3. The Pillar – The textbook penis of my neighbor comes back around here. The pillar is long, thick, straight and practically a perfect cylinder. This penis shape is considered most versatile and therefore will feel good in any position. However, any sex where she is standing up will give you the best angle. Think about positions where she’s against the wall with one leg up on your arm or where she is bent over in front of you, reaching for her toes.
  4. The Chiquita – The short and wide penis might have this cute name, but it’s one of the preferred shapes of women. Because of the shape, this penis is able to stroke all angles of the vaginal wall and the g-spot. All in all, you can enjoy just about any traditional position that is not designed for deeper penetration.

Guys, it’s true what they say – it’s not about the size of the boat, it’s about the motion of the ocean. Stop worrying so much about the size of your penis and take into account these tips to help increase yours and your ladies pleasure in the sack.


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