Few things are as frustrating as watching my guy friends hold on to a relationship that is deader than my second year anatomy cadaver. It does not matter whether you deserve an award for acting like the World’s Biggest Asshole or treat a woman like you stepped out of a Hallmark movie; you should be able to find happiness in your relationship. I cannot count the number of times I have wanted to shake a man and say “My god, just ditch the bitch already!” If you are not happy in your relationship – then what is the point?
What I’ve realized is that sometimes we get so comfortable in a relationship that we are blinded by the fact that it is over and we need to simply say “goodbye”. Think this might be you? Check out these four signs it’s time to move on.
If you are my friend, the last thing I want is to have you call me up and complain NON-STOP about your significant other. There comes a point in a failing relationship where you start to avoid her texts and calls.
You dread spending time with her. The fact that you are even breathing the same air in the same state is annoying to you. This is a clear sign it is time for someone new. You’re too comfortable to leave but you know you have no reason to stay.
Drama, Drama, Drama
If #1 applies to you then chances are she already knows she’s losing you. As a result, there is a lot of drama in your relationship. You start fights with her. She starts fights with you.
Both of you air your dirty laundry on Facebook. Before you know it, you are breaking up and getting back together repeatedly each month. Let me ask you something – isn’t that exhausting? I can tell you from experience that your on-again, off-again relationship broadcasted over social media is giving everyone whip-lash.
Women fall into two categories. Those that live to serve and those that want to be served. For example, I am a woman who lives to serve – so to speak. If I’m going out with a man, I want to wear something that he finds attractive.
I mean, I live my life in yoga pants, cut-up t-shirts and no makeup. If I’m being completely honest, there have actually been weeks when I’ve been so busy that I couldn’t remember if I had showered in the previous 72 hours. A sure sign that I really like you is that you’ve never (and will never as long as I’m breathing) see me like this.
But then there are women who would rather you cater to them. For example, this girl Valerie that my friend Christian was dating. Christian hated this one dress that Valerie owned. He expressed this opinion to her. She proceeded to wear it when they went out one night. Her reasoning was that he should do more for her despite the fact that he wasn’t the flowers and candy type of guy. The night did not go well. He ignored her, stating that he was “not attracted to her in that dress” and once both of them were drunk they had a huge argument and she left in the middle of the night. Mind you, she was 6 hours from home and he drove.
Here’s the thing: Sure, Christian can be an asshole. But the real reason he was behaving this way was because he didn’t want to be in a relationship with this woman. The dress was just one of a dozen different little things he picked at about her over the course of the weekend. He managed to criticize everything from the workouts she didn’t do to how much food she ate at brunch to the way she styled her hair. In reality, none of this is important in a relationship.
They ended up getting back together the next day and officially breaking up (for the last time) a few weeks later.
Do you skip out on hanging with your friends because you don’t want to deal with your girlfriend nagging you? Do you do what she wants to do all the time simply because you don’t want to deal with any arguments? I hate to break it to you, but it’s time for your relationship to end.
Relationships are about give and take. Sometimes you go out together. Sometimes you go out alone. Sometimes you sit through her best friends’ daughter’s ballet recital so she will let you watch the football game instead of The Good Wife on Sunday night.
The point is that you both make sacrifices to make each other happy. When one person is doing all the giving, it quickly breeds resentment. That resentment spills over into other areas of your relationship creating tension and anger. Before you know it, you’re standing in the kitchen screaming over where to put the plastic bags instead of talking about what is really bothering you.
We all make the mistake of staying in a relationship for too long because we are comfortable. According to eHarmony.com, the most
common reasons for staying in a dying relationship are because we are afraid of being alone, having dramatic change in our lives or facing the dating world again. But isn’t it better to be happy every day with someone you truly love than miserable with someone you only kind of like?
There is nothing wrong with you or her. Even the biggest assholes have a woman who
puts up with their shit. Dr. Fredric Neuman of Psychology Today stated that during this type of break-up, we realize that the other person is simply not “suitable” for us- not that they are some awful person. If you realize that it is time to end your relationship, keep these things in mind:
- Be honest. Tell her that you are just not feeling the connection with her anymore. Unless she’s delusional, she already knows.
- Keep it simple. This isn’t a monologue about her or you. A short-lived coffee date where you can say a few sentences about the reason you are ending the relationship is all that you need.
- Do it in person. A phone call is an acceptable alternative if your relationship is long distance. However, despite how funny it was when Carrie was dumped via Post-it note on Sex in the City, it is never, ever acceptable to break-up via text, email, third party or Post-it note in real life.
- No Take Backs. When you break-up, let that be it. Don’t get back together because of some false hope that things will be different. They won’t. But I promise you that there is a woman out there who cannot wait to be your everything. Go find her.
And guys, just remember, I’m here for you. I’ll even put up with your nonsense ‘til that special someone finds you. Just do me a favor and stop this on-again, off-again madness with women who aren’t meant for you.