4 Signs It’s Time to Ditch the Bitch

Few things are as frustrating as watching my guy friends hold on to a relationship that is deader than my second year anatomy cadaver. It does not matter whether you deserve an award for acting like the World’s Biggest Asshole or treat a woman like you stepped out of a Hallmark movie; you should be able to find happiness in your relationship. I cannot count the number of times I have wanted to shake a man and say “My god, just ditch the bitch already!” If you are not happy in your relationship – then what is the point?

What I’ve realized is that sometimes we get so comfortable in a relationship that we are blinded by the fact that it is over and we need to simply say “goodbye”. Think this might be you? Check out these four signs it’s time to move on.

2dvgHer Existence Annoys You

If you are my friend, the last thing I want is to have you call me up and complain NON-STOP about your significant other. There comes a point in a failing relationship where you start to avoid her texts and calls.

You dread spending time with her. The fact that you are even breathing the same air in the same state is annoying to you. This is a clear sign it is time for someone new. You’re too comfortable to leave but you know you have no reason to stay.

Drama, Drama, Drama

If #1 applies to you then chances are she already knows she’s losing you. As a result, there is a lot of drama in your relationship. You start fights with her. She starts fights with you.

Both of you air your dirty laundry on Facebook. Before you know it, you are breaking up and getting back together repeatedly each month. Let me ask you something – isn’t that exhausting? I can tell you from experience that your on-again, off-again relationship broadcasted over social media is giving everyone whip-lash.

You Criticize the Little Thingsguy-yelling-at-his-girlfriend

Women fall into two categories. Those that live to serve and those that want to be served. For example, I am a woman who lives to serve – so to speak. If I’m going out with a man, I want to wear something that he finds attractive.

I mean, I live my life in yoga pants, cut-up t-shirts and no makeup. If I’m being completely honest, there have actually been weeks when I’ve been so busy that I couldn’t remember if I had showered in the previous 72 hours. A sure sign that I really like you is that you’ve never (and will never as long as I’m breathing) see me like this.

But then there are women who would rather you cater to them. For example, this girl Valerie that my friend Christian was dating. Christian hated this one dress that Valerie owned. He expressed this opinion to her. She proceeded to wear it when they went out one night. Her reasoning was that he should do more for her despite the fact that he wasn’t the flowers and candy type of guy. The night did not go well. He ignored her, stating that he was “not attracted to her in that dress” and once both of them were drunk they had a huge argument and she left in the middle of the night. Mind you, she was 6 hours from home and he drove.

Here’s the thing: Sure, Christian can be an asshole. But the real reason he was behaving this way was because he didn’t want to be in a relationship with this woman. The dress was just one of a dozen different little things he picked at about her over the course of the weekend. He managed to criticize everything from the workouts she didn’t do to how much food she ate at brunch to the way she styled her hair. In reality, none of this is important in a relationship.

They ended up getting back together the next day and officially breaking up (for the last time) a few weeks later.

74583138CutYou Feel Obligated and Resentful About Your Time Together

Do you skip out on hanging with your friends because you don’t want to deal with your girlfriend nagging you? Do you do what she wants to do all the time simply because you don’t want to deal with any arguments? I hate to break it to you, but it’s time for your relationship to end.

Relationships are about give and take. Sometimes you go out together. Sometimes you go out alone. Sometimes you sit through her best friends’ daughter’s ballet recital so she will let you watch the football game instead of The Good Wife on Sunday night.

The point is that you both make sacrifices to make each other happy. When one person is doing all the giving, it quickly breeds resentment. That resentment spills over into other areas of your relationship creating tension and anger. Before you know it, you’re standing in the kitchen screaming over where to put the plastic bags instead of talking about what is really bothering you.

The Break-up

We all make the mistake of staying in a relationship for too long because we are comfortable. According to eHarmony.com, the most

GoodHenryRevolver2

common reasons for staying in a dying relationship are because we are afraid of being alone, having dramatic change in our lives or facing the dating world again. But isn’t it better to be happy every day with someone you truly love than miserable with someone you only kind of like?

There is nothing wrong with you or her. Even the biggest assholes have a woman who

puts up with their shit. Dr. Fredric Neuman of Psychology Today stated that during this type of break-up, we realize that the other person is simply not “suitable” for us- not that they are some awful person. If you realize that it is time to end your relationship, keep these things in mind:

  1. Be honest. Tell her that you are just not feeling the connection with her anymore. Unless she’s delusional, she already knows.
  2. Keep it simple. This isn’t a monologue about her or you. A short-lived coffee date where you can say a few sentences about the reason you are ending the relationship is all that you need.
  3. Do it in person. A phone call is an acceptable alternative if your relationship is long distance. However, despite how funny it was when Carrie was dumped via Post-it note on Sex in the City, it is never, ever acceptable to break-up via text, email, third party or Post-it note in real life.
  4. No Take Backs. When you break-up, let that be it. Don’t get back together because of some false hope that things will be different. They won’t. But I promise you that there is a woman out there who cannot wait to be your everything. Go find her.

And guys, just remember, I’m here for you. I’ll even put up with your nonsense ‘til that special someone finds you. Just do me a favor and stop this on-again, off-again madness with women who aren’t meant for you.

Photo+May+24,+1+01+55+PM_clipped_rev_2

Featured Articles

Why ‘Shameless’ is a Must Binge Series

As October 2 approaches and season 7 of Showtime’s hit series Shameless bares down on us like Frank Gallagher’s jaundiced existence, it’s the perfect time catch up with America’s favorite fucked up family unit, the Gallaghers. As if the cast from Fuller House started taking meth full-time, the Gallagher family combines absolute mayhem with good […]

Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display. […]

Packing a Smaller Gun? Here’s How to Rock it so She Won’t Forget It.

This week I posed the question to my girlfriends on various group chats: What do you think about a guy with a smaller dick? My diverse group of female friends contains every race combination available, so I figured this would give me a reasonable pool of answers. From an anthropological perspective, the size of both […]

Edita Vilkeviciute is an Attractive Woman with The World’s Hardest Name To Spell. NSFW

International supermodel Edita Vilkeviciute is a native of Lithuania that was discovered when she was 16. Now 27, Vilkeviciute has become a modeling powerhouse that has worked with Victoria’s Secret, Louis Vuitton, and countless others. Vilkeviciute is ranked as one of the top earning models in the world, raking in an estimated net worth of […]

“The Splinter” A Supercar that Will Give You Serious Wood.

In 2008, Designer Joe Harmon took on the dubiously tedious task of building a car. But not just any car. A supercar. And not just any supercar, a supercar made of wood. The Splinter, a true labor of love, is the world’s first and only supercar constructed out of wood. After 7 years, The Splinter […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: