Five Things You Should Never do With your Girlfriend

PDA at Gym FailI understand. You want in. You want to impress her, show the softer side. Butterflies, rainbows, and bunnies.

Hold up one second. Here are five things that you should never take part in, no matter how bad you’re into her.

It will help you in the long run to fend off disappointment when she finds out that you have no interest and just did it to get into her heart,mind, and pants.

1. Scrapbooking. First off, scrap booking is the pastime of the middle-aged, undersexed, craft junkie. Most likely arriving in a Toyota Camry, wearing a Sag Harbor sweater from Sears with accompanying Khaki pants…Unless you want to spend 4 hours trying to cut your throat with dull scissors, say no and maintain your manhood. You might want to take a second look a your girl…Are you sure she’s not one of the Golden Girls?

2. Shopping for clothes. The marathon of “Does this look good” When in reality she doesn’t give a shit what  you think,  and just wants to see how long you’ll last and how many times she can get you to say, “You look great babe”. In reality, if a woman wants to really shop for clothes, she’s doing it with her girlfriends or by herself.

If you want to go shopping, window shop, and if she gets too crazy with the clothes, just take her to Gamestop. An hour in an 800 sq. ft. building filled with video games and teenage store managers will even the score.

3. Girls night out. Don’t ever under any circumstance walk into a girls night out unarmed and alone. Since most women don’t trust their judgement because of past indiscretions and bad decisions, they need  the approval of five other girls that have made probably worse decisions than they have. Perhaps another hidden motive, to show you off like a prized show pony and make everyone else jealous.

You might as well bring a resume and prepare for a night of stares and weird questions.

4. His and Her trip to the salon. Come on, really? We shouldn’t have to tell you that wrapping your head up in a towel or taking your shoes off and letting a little Asian woman grind down your toenails in a public setting is not a win for the men of the world.

5. PDA at the gym. Perhaps the most egregious act  a man can do at the place where a man is supposed to be manly. Weights, testosterone, grunting, sweat, it’s your chance to be rough and visceral… Holding hands, kissing, or playing on the machines together makes you not only look like the girl  you’re playing with, but everyone is secretly wanting to drag you outside and beat you with a bag of oranges.

BONUS!

Anything involving Amish Country or Folk Dancing. Nobody thinks the Amish are interesting, not even the Amish.

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Comments

  1. This article is so funny and very true!! Unless its my boyfriend then he must do all of the above

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