3 Types of Women to Avoid on Facebook

Party GirlFacebook has turned into the world’s high school, a widening  chasm of immaturity mixed in with pictures of half-naked women, douchebag men, kids, political affiliations, and pets…Oh the pets.

Well there’s something undoubtedly obvious about the largest social network in the world, men will try to pick up women no matter what.

If you look hot, you’re getting a friend request, poke or private message. But before you put on your stalker costume and start telling her how  it can work from 1,500 miles away and you’ll fly her to meet you on your private island in Ohio, wait just one minute.

After many years navigating Facebook, we’ve uncovered a few types of women that you should avoid at all costs. Pretty faces and big boobs will not make them any less insane. It does help a little though.

Gay1. The Animal Fanatic: Women who post pictures of their animals more than they do of actual people, beware.

They have connectivity issues with other people, and therefore their animals are significantly more important than you ever will be.

And in order to get in, you must love animals, specifically their little package of joy. You must also pass the “Lucy likes you” test. Historically, crazy animal people tend to be clingers, especially the ones that own small dogs.

Large breed owners tend to be more rustic and independent, but not clingy. Small dog owners look at their animals like a kid. This is when you’ll find lots of outfits, special beds and other nonsense. Bottom line, if the dog is under 25 lbs, takes rides in a basket on a bicycle, and has outfits for every major holiday, run.

2. The Poster Junkie: We’ve all seen the little posters on Facebook with the funny sayings and motivational words of wisdom. monroe gay quotes They address everything from politics to getting hit on in a bar by an Albanian circus dancer with 4 testicles.

I have to admit, I have even fallen prey to their witty antidotes to life’s everyday problems, however, they do not define my life.

I’m sure you all know a girl who simply justifies her existence with posters. The day begins with a quote from Marilyn Monroe, and throughout the day, various relationship posts will pop up on her page, everything ranging from “Men won’t run away from love if they find the right one to love” to “I don’t need a man who is afraid to be man”.

If you run across a girl like this, keep running.

Another key factor in a  crazy clinger is the fact that they can define their lives in short monumental phrases. They cannot express themselves other than through posters, and they’re too scared to actually say what they’re thinking, so they blurt it out hoping they can wrap up life in a poster. Beware, or you’ll be the quote. “That moment when you realize you have the best boyfriend ever that eats peanut butter with a spoon and can do the moonwalk in his pajamas while holding a pet bunny.”…I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Let’s break up.

Picture Taker3. The Picture Taker:  A healthy amount of pictures is ok for any woman, we all need to see if she’s a Decepticon or not. Nothing worse than a girl picking one great picture  and then looking like Stewie from family guy.

The Halfer: Watch out for girls that have 30 pictures of just their top half. Usually that’s an indication that the bottom half is in need of a tune up.

The Party Girl: If you see 1,500 pictures of the duck face and club time with her girlfriends, or 15 other guys licking her face in a drunken stupor, there’s your sign.

The “Model”: Dim lighting in a studio and a bikini doesn’t make you a model, it makes you the next star of Chris Hansen’s “How to Catch a Predator”. Sit down sir, have a cookie.

Can you tell me why you have on a pair of tear away pants, six bottles of vodka and this bottle of roofies?

I’m sure that New York agency is beating the door down to sign you. Those 600 “modeling” pictures that have never seen the light of day are sure to get you into Fashion Week in no time,yawn. Well guys, at least you know she’s open to send you pictures.

BONUS!

The I Have Haters Girl: A Girl who thinks she has “haters”, makes sure to tell everyone she has haters and that they’re motivating her to be great, and …Famous. I didn’t know The Gap employed royalty.

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