Survive “Frankenstorm” with some Tactical Bacon!

Never run out of bacon again $19.95 msrp

There’s a lot of things in life you can’t live without. Family, money, love, and there’s one other thing missing there, BACON! Can you imagine a world without bacon? Neither can I.

So, when I came across Tactical Bacon, it seemed like my prayers had been answered. From “Frankenstorms”,  Zombie Apocalypses, to complete nuclear fallout, rest assured the last few minutes of your life you’ll be guaranteed to have at least one of those fours things listed above by your side, bacon.

With a shelf life of over 10 years, Tactical Bacon will be there for you through thick and thin. The bacon is actual stripped pieces of the filthy swine we came to love so much. There’s approximately 54 pieces of cooked bacon in each 9 oz. can, and be used while camping, hunting, fishing, and/or the end of the world.

Where can you buy Tactical Bacon locally? I was able to get my stockpile Tactical Bacon at Anthony’s Arms in West Mifflin, across from the Allegheny County Airport. Not sure how much is left after I cleaned them out preparing for “Frankenstorm” moving up the East Coast, but you’re more than welcome to stop by and check.

Dear Primantis, please buy several cases of Tactical Bacon, so you can stop running out of bacon every night. It would make a lot of drunk people and my vertically challenged friend Brian, so much more happier…

The Ultimate Tactical Bacon Commercial:

Featured Articles

Why ‘Shameless’ is a Must Binge Series

As October 2 approaches and season 7 of Showtime’s hit series Shameless bares down on us like Frank Gallagher’s jaundiced existence, it’s the perfect time catch up with America’s favorite fucked up family unit, the Gallaghers. As if the cast from Fuller House started taking meth full-time, the Gallagher family combines absolute mayhem with good […]

Is Bigger and Longer Really Better When it Comes to Sex?

A few days ago I found myself in the most unbearably long line at Walmart. You know, that checkout line where you wonder if the cashier has actually died because no one had moved in a solid twenty minutes. While impatiently waiting, like many shoppers, I found myself reading the covers of magazines on display. […]

Packing a Smaller Gun? Here’s How to Rock it so She Won’t Forget It.

This week I posed the question to my girlfriends on various group chats: What do you think about a guy with a smaller dick? My diverse group of female friends contains every race combination available, so I figured this would give me a reasonable pool of answers. From an anthropological perspective, the size of both […]

Edita Vilkeviciute is an Attractive Woman with The World’s Hardest Name To Spell. NSFW

International supermodel Edita Vilkeviciute is a native of Lithuania that was discovered when she was 16. Now 27, Vilkeviciute has become a modeling powerhouse that has worked with Victoria’s Secret, Louis Vuitton, and countless others. Vilkeviciute is ranked as one of the top earning models in the world, raking in an estimated net worth of […]

“The Splinter” A Supercar that Will Give You Serious Wood.

In 2008, Designer Joe Harmon took on the dubiously tedious task of building a car. But not just any car. A supercar. And not just any supercar, a supercar made of wood. The Splinter, a true labor of love, is the world’s first and only supercar constructed out of wood. After 7 years, The Splinter […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: